5 Life Questions Teenagers Need Help Answering

Parenting is an awesome responsibility; awesome in the fact that it is joyful and rewarding, and, awesome in the fact that it is an enormous undertaking. It is beautiful, breath-taking, frightening, intimidating, overwhelming, terrifying and wonderful all at the same time. What can I say, it’s awesome!

My kids are fourteen and sixteen. Finally, they are leaving the house wearing clean clothes that match. They no longer get knots in their hair. And, for the most part, they shower and wear clean underwear everyday.

Ahhh, the sweet, clean smell of success! And, like Nanny McPhee, I am tempted to walk off into the sunset satisfied with a job well done.

 . . . . but, wait! The job isn’t done yet!

It ain’t over until the fat lady sings! And she ain’t singing until my kids graduate from high school and leave home.

Much of our kids’ character and direction in life is forming during their teen years and into their twenties. As Christian parents, we mustn’t lose focus or parent on autopilot.

Our kids hit a fork in the road during adolescence. And the critical decisions they make at this juncture will determine the trajectory of their life.

1) They will ask questions of IDENTITY. Who am I?
  • Am I a beauty queen?
  • Am I an athlete?
  • Am I nerd?
  • Am I worthless?
  • Am I a child of God?

Teenagers are questioning their identity now more than ever.

Not only do they have to decide whether they will be the the criminal, the athlete, the basket case, the princess or the brain; and, what college to go to and what they want to be when they grow up. But, our kids are also faced with questions like, “What gender do I identify with?” and, “What is my sexual orientation?

The questions that young people are facing today are confusing at best and dangerous at worst.

If they don’t have guidance when answering these questions, they are likely to be overwhelmed by the lies of the world.

2) They will ask questions of PRIORITY. Who will I live for?
  • Will I live for myself?
  • Will I live for everyone around me?
  • Will I live for the person I love?
  • Will I live for God?

Kids will naturally answer the question, “who will I live for?” with a resounding “Me, of course!”

In a culture obsessed with self-esteem, we are told we should focus on ourselves. We should love ourselves. Because . . . “you’re worth it!”

Nowhere in scripture does it say to love yourself. The greatest love of all is NOT inside of you. The greatest love of all is the love of God.

How our kids answer the question of priority will determine the relational aspect of their future. Will they grow up to be in abusive, or codependent relationships? Will they be people pleasers? Will they be all about themselves?

It is up to Christian parents to model a life lived for God.

3) They will ask questions about REALITY. What is truth?
  • Is there one truth? or, . . .
  • Does everyone have their own truth?
  • Which religion is true?
  • Is God the author of truth?

Truth is what grounds us; morally and physically. Truth is what keeps us from floating around in space. The truth of gravity that is.

Establishing that truth is not relative but absolute is essential to passing on the faith to our kids. Without truth, everything else flies out the window.

“What’s true for me may not be true for you” makes no sense.

Belief can vary from one person to another. Truth cannot. Can a fact apply to one person and not apply to another? Of course not. Neither can truth.

4) They will ask questions about CONTENTMENT. Where will I find peace?
  • In relationships?
  • In substances or things?
  • In achievements or successes?
  • In God?

Coming out of the holidays, the phrase, “peace on earth,” is still fresh on our minds. We are told in scripture that when the truth of God is our foundation, peace is our reward.

The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.  Psalm 29:11

However, peace can be tricky. Peace within a family or between nations is not a guarantee in this life. How can our kids be content in Christ and have peace in such a troubled world?

As our kids trek into adulthood, they will need to learn contentment. Our kids will have to answer the questions, How will I be ok with ‘what is‘? and, Where will I find peace?

5) They will ask questions about SUFFERING. How will I cope with life?untitled-design-75
  • With alcohol?
  • With medications?
  • With relationships?
  • With God?

So many kids today don’t have any coping skills. This is evidenced in the high number of school shootings we have witnessed in the past 10 years, and the growing number of teen suicides.

When trials come, and come they will, life goes on whether we want it to or not. Kids need coping skills and they need to know where to go for comfort.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.  Psalm 147:3


Teenagers need input from parents when deciding the answers to these critical questions. They need a voice of truth regularly pointing them toward God.

We hope and pray our kids will answer these questions in a way that puts their life in God’s hands.

  • Who am I? . . . . I am a child of God (Galatians 3:26)
  • Who will I live for? . . . . I will live my life for God (Romans 12:1)
  • What is truth? . . . . God is truth (John 14:6)
  • Where will I find peace? . . . . I will find peace in God (Psalm 46:10)
  • How will I cope with life? . . . . God will get me through (Isaiah 41:10)

Our role does change when our kids become teenagers. But we still have a role.

We cannot stop having input in our teenagers lives. Because the noise of the world will never cease. And, the pull of the world is strong.

So, just before your kids become teens, take a short breather and pat yourself on the back for a job well done. Then, prepare yourself for the hardest stage of parenting.

If you have teenagers, then you are almost done with the race. Almost. Don’t give up so close to the finish line.

My Vanity Fast and the 4 deceptions of beauty: Part 2

Read part 1 here

A couple weeks ago I was chatting with my youngest daughter on our sun porch.

“Emily is so much prettier than I am,” she said.

Emily, My oldest, is sixteen and curvy. Jessica is skinny—she takes after her father. No matter what I say to Jessica, she can’t seem to accept that she is beautiful just the way she is. She has an adorable body that looks good in everything, perfect olive colored skin, and naturally highlighted hair that women my age would pay big bucks for.

She is perfect. Yet she still questions what her boyfriend sees in her.

We, as women/girls, are never happy. It’s as if we are conditioned to not be content with who we are. Girls who are skinny wish they were curvy, and those who are curvy wish they were skinny. Girls with curly hair wish they had straight hair and girls with straight hair wish they had curly hair. 

I wish that my daughter could see what her father and I see. And I’m sure God wishes that we would see what He sees in us.

Let’s continue with the 4 deceptions of beauty . . . . 


3. We are never good enough

I have struggled my entire life with identity and self worth. Many of us have.

Early in life, I got attention for my looks, way more attention than I ever got for who I wasgirl looking out window urbane inside. When this starts at a young age, you believe what the world tells you. You believe your worth is in your beauty. And, it is very difficult to break free and believe differently.

‘A woman’s worth is tied to her youth and beauty’ is a lie cooked up by the enemy. He wants us to think that we are just eye candy for the viewing pleasure of men.

Satan feeds young girls lies that are so easily accepted as truth. They sound good at first, as many of Satan’s deceptions do. Being attractive when you are young is fun. It feels good. It makes you popular. And if you are beautiful, you are celebrated.

Deception is Satan’s greatest tool.

The serpent said to the woman, “You surely will not die! “For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”   Genesis 3:4-5

And we all know that beauty doesn’t last forever. After a lifetime of believing your identity is in your beauty, you find yourself enslaved by it. How do you break free?

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.   Proverbs 31:30

Being a woman today is hard. We live in a culture that says that women must change almost everything about themselves to be good enough. We change our hair color, eye color, skin color, cook ourselves, squeeze ourselves into clothes that are three sizes too small, and put on push-up bras because we think we are not good enough.

Where does it end? When are we, as girls and women, good enough?

Social media and television define beauty for us. They have set the standard, and girls are watching. When girls grow up with these wrong messages about beauty, they often confuse beauty with their identity.

Untitled design (6)Our daughters grow up being told that the purpose of their life is to be forever young and beautiful.

The truth is, if we are trying to live up to the world’s standards, we will never be good enough.

The only standard that we need to concern ourselves with is God’s standard. And, God’s Word gives us the truth about age and beauty.

A gray head is a crown of glory; It is found in the way of righteousness.   Proverbs 16:31

Often, what we really want from beauty is to feel accepted, included and pursued. But do we realize that we were made acceptable in Christ, we have been adopted into the family of God, and we are fervently pursued by Abba, Father? 

To them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.   John 1:12-13

True beauty is found in Jesus Christ, the One who paid the price for this wretched world. What He did on the cross was truly and completely beautiful.

God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.   Romans 5:8

If we want to be truly beautiful, we must reflect the image of Christ.

4. Being beautiful can never make you strong or powerful

I recently watched, The Devil Wears Prada. It is a movie about a girl who is transformed into a beautiful woman working at a fashion magazine. At the beginning, she is seemingly unattractive, and therefore, not valued. However, when she finally changes and is beautiful and stylish, she is suddenly competent and powerful.

When we feel strong, confident and powerful because we look good, we are being deceived. It isn’t truth. Beauty can hold no power. Shiny, luxurious hair can give us no strength. A pencil skirt, flattering jeans, or the perfect pair of boots can’t do anything for us. 

Power does not come from long eyelashes or long cascading hair.
Power does not come from a lean, muscular body.
Power does not come from perfectly white teeth, or flawless skin.
Power does not come from a french manicure or waxed eyebrows.
Power does not come from being a perfect size __ .
Power does not come from perfectly tanned legs, or a tiny waist.

So, if power doesn’t come from physical beauty, where does power come from?

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being   Ephesians 3:16

If being powerful is what you seek, then go to the source. God is the most powerful being that ever was, is or ever could be. He is the source of power, the author of power, and the giver of power. Our power is in Christ alone.

In Christ alone


Join me next week for part 3 as I’ll be wrapping up our discussion on beauty and presenting a challenge. 

Read Part 1 here